I can see ants breathing!

Piret R.
If I come to think about my laser operation, I remember a dialogue that took place almost 30 years ago between my parents, whereby my father was sleeping soundly during it.
Father: “I have a fantastic hearing“
Mother: “Reaaally? Well, what are you hearing then?“
Father: “I can hear ants breathing.“

On the following day of the operation, while I was eagerly talking during a check-up about how clear my sight is now, Dr. Haavel asked me what I saw. On that moment I was tempted to tell him that I can see ants breathing. For real, suddenly I could see all kinds of things, even really tiny things. The world is more clear and vivid. I could see, standing by the bed of my son at night, what the time was, I saw that the windows of the neighbouring house didn’t have blinds but rib curtains, I saw leaves on branches and many more different details that didn’t exist for me before. But I also sensed a difference in seeing big objects, suddenly all the panoramas were so clear, buildings had strong outlines, colours were more vivid, the sky was bluer, the grass was greener and the sun yellower.

I had planned to have the operation a long time before, but I kept postponing it for different reasons. In the beginning my negative lens progressed each year by 0.25, but then I got pregnant and had to breastfeed and couldn’t have the operation. However, I must admit that I didn’t postpone the operation because of fear; I had no fear at all. I had read a lot of different experiences and also talked to people who had gone through similar procedures. Also, I really wanted to get rid of contact lenses and especially glasses. If I was afraid of anything it was probably the two to three weeks before the operation, during which you aren’t allowed to wear contacts. All that workout with foggy glasses!

So, before the day of the operation I felt rather excited and that for two reasons. First of all it was of course exciting that after all this waiting I would finally do it. No more foggy mornings and pecking the contacts out in the evening and all the other countless discomforts that contact lenses’ and glass wearers all know by their own hand even a little too well, and what I’ve had to put up with for over 10 years.

The procedure itself was pretty trivial from a patient’s point of view. The only thing that made it special was that most people get anxious if it’s their eye being dealt with. There was no pain at all and that little discomfort you get during the procedure is nothing anyone couldn’t handle. At first I tried thinking it’ll all be over in 30 minutes. But then I couldn’t think of it anymore because the surgeon was very talkative and the “job“ was going smoothly. Again and again your eye is covered with some new liquid and brushed and only for a small time, when they actually use the laser, probably less than a minute for both eyes, you get that unpleasant smell of something burning.

I don’t really remember the chronological order of things anymore because I didn’t have time to pay attention to all that. I constantly had to work out answers to difficult questions about my line of work and industry. I definitely wasn’t a very good conversational partner lying on that table, but that conversation served another purpose anyway. Anyhow, it was all over in a flash, and then just a few more minutes of lying calmly, the surgeons words ringing in my ears: “Everything is in prime condition“, waiting with excitement what I’ll really see when I can finally open the “lids“.

The second reason why I was waiting for the operation day was more prosaic, but it still gave the day a required emotional background – it was my day. Being the mother of a 1.5 year old boy, I hadn’t had so much time just to be with myself for a long time. You see, after the operation you have to lie for four hours with your eyes closed. It’s not advised to fall asleep because after every hour you have to put eye drops and you can’t at all costs rub your eyes. So I sent the kid to grandma’s and enjoyed those 4 post-op hours listening to music through headphones the clinic provided me with – it was unbelievably great.

I couldn’t however enjoy the whole 4 hours because as the anaesthesia started wearing off, I started to get this tingling feeling in my left eye. It was just like having a broken contact lens in the eye. The eye was running and I couldn’t really hold it open. I knew that I hadn’t rubbed my eyes; in fact I didn’t even dare to rub my nose after the operation. And since the vision was clear I had no reason to think that I had rubbed something loose in the eye. But since I had no tingling in my right eye I became worried and called the 24h helpdesk, to make sure everything was ok. They told me that eyes might recuperate differently and that I should take the painkillers they had provided me with in a little bag. That gave me some relief and by the time dad got home with the boy, approximately 5 hours after the operation, I could already attend the kid.

A slight tingle remained in my left eye for a couple of days but that strong irritation never returned. The tingle disappeared and then re-appeared. I kept using the moisturising drops as told but I can’t really say they relieved much of anything; I still had that feeling of a broken contact lens. On the fifth day after the operation I called the helpdesk once more and the answer remained the same: eyes recuperate differently, although they added that if it doesn’t pass in a few days, I should come in just in case.

That didn’t happen however, because it started getting better by the day and at some point I discovered that all is well and I can see and I can see and I can see!!!

Still, for two weeks I was extra cautious: I slept with protective pads every night; I wore protective glasses to keep anything from getting in my eye, especially while I was cooking or playing with my kid in a sandbox. I didn’t work out before two weeks had passed because sweat couldn’t get in the eye and I wasn’t allowed to lift weights and how else could you do body pumping? Luckily my eyes weren’t at all sensitive to light. It must have been favoured by soggy autumn weathers that helped moisturise the dry eyes. Anyhow, now that about a month has passed, I only need to use eye drops in the morning.

But I saw (and still see) really well! I could see close and far away. In both checkups I read the bottom text line with both eyes. Time to time I remember what one of my friends, who had a similar operation a few years ago, told me: “Enjoy the feeling of seeing everything. As time passes you’ll get so used to it that you won’t notice it anymore“. Really, that time came unexpectedly fast. Already a couple of weeks after the operation it all felt so natural and well, seeing properly is a natural thing for a man, as it should be. But you can only understand it afterwards how unnatural it is not seeing properly. Even with any help from glasses or contacts it can’t be fully compensated. That’s why I remind myself from time to time how happy I am that I have (again) the ability to sense the world as it is, as it is created.